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About to turn my life upside down (potentially leaving) as a result of living with an online gambler (horse race stuff). I really dont understand the ins and outs but he bought a $10 piece of software so he can bet while not on the net. Oh yay for us! (EDIT I MEANT $10K not $10!!!!)

So anyway, are these legal? And is there any way of making complaints about them? I read emails they sent him and they really targetted and pressure sold (which I can imagine gamblers dont need!). I know he's an adult but its like giving a heroin addict a taster!

Also, anyone who was affected or found out their partner was. What did you do? I dont dare remove the software as I cant imagine what the consequences for me would be. And would rather see him remove it than be forced (not that I belive it will happen at the moment).

Hi lala_tart,

Thanks for posting your questions and telling us about your situation. It can be very hard and extremly frustrating to live with someone who you can see has a problem but will not admit to it.

To find out if the software is legal, if you are in New Zealand, you can call the Department on Internal Affairs, 0800 257 887. Also you can make complaints to them as well as your local MP. If you believe that your partner is being targeted in a scam then you can call the Commerce Comission on 0800 943 600.

You may find this website OurProblem useful to find out ways that you can talk to your local MP and to work with others in the community to make changes in the community.

I am wondering what supports you have and how are you protecting yourself from the harm that the gambling can cause? How are you protecting your assests?

If you live in NZ you can call us (Gambling Helpline) for free on 0800 654 655 for support and for some other suggestions around what you can do. There is free one on one counselling for you if you want to go and have a chat with someone.

Once again thank you for sharing what you are going through and remember that you can post here for support at any time. Feel free to post again with how things are going.

GH Admin.

Thanks for reply. Will follow those up when things not so crazy and if i still have the energy and interest to do so after. I have a feeling i am set for a bumpy journey.
Since posting have found out that my partner has lied about just about everything (as yet another confirmation of problems rears its ugly head). I think events will be coming to a head tomorrow as I have told his parents.
Praying for him and that he understands that he needs help. Between that and drug abuse I now realise hes really not well.
Keeping myself safe. I love him but not his addictions. I may have to leave him and the area to protect myself. Keeping options open at the moment.
Assets - in limbo land waiting for lawyers to contact me. Stripped the other joint accounts (put them into a holding account) that we had joint money in a while ago when i had an inkling. I refuse to go shopping anymore and am thinking I may not pay the bills so the power and phone etc get cut off again (they are in his name). The mortgage I will make sure is covered along with rates etc. I dont know what else to do. CAB here will be just as long a delay here i think.
Altogether emotionally gobsmacked. Keep thinking I will wake up and everything will be ok. Wish I could be angry. I cant - just so so sad. He doesnt want to lose me but on one hand I see his pain and want to help but on the other, scared its just another lie and he wants to keep me so he can continue his behaviour without ending up in a gutter or losing face (which he would lose anyway!).
We had and he has the makings of great things but without help its not going to happen.

Originally Posted by GH Admin Hi lala_tart, Thanks for posting your questions and telling us about your situation. It can be very hard and extremly frustrating to live with someone who you can see has a problem but will not admit to it. To find out if the software is legal, if you are in New Zealand, you can call the Department on Internal Affairs, 0800 257 887. Also you can make complaints to them as well as your local MP. If you believe that your partner is being targeted in a scam then you can call the Commerce Comission on 0800 943 600. You may find this website OurProblem useful to find out ways that you can talk to your local MP and to work with others in the community to make changes in the community. I am wondering what supports you have and how are you protecting yourself from the harm that the gambling can cause? How are you protecting your assests? If you live in NZ you can call us (Gambling Helpline) for free on 0800 654 655 for support and for some other suggestions around what you can do. There is free one on one counselling for you if you want to go and have a chat with someone. Once again thank you for sharing what you are going through and remember that you can post here for support at any time. Feel free to post again with how things are going. GH Admin.

how do i access one on one counselling?

Hi Lala_tart,

Thanks for the reply. It seems like quite a bit has happened since you first posted. It can be very hard to decide what to put up with and what not to. Change is not always easy or welcome and like you said things could get "bumpy". Well done for thinking about setting up some boundaries and for seeking legal advice.

For one on one counselling you can give us a call on 0800 654 655. We can talk to you about the services available in your area. Everything is free, including the one one one counselling.

How are you keeping yourself safe? What are you doing (or could you do) to keep yourself from sliding into a depression or getting overwhelmed? Are you managing to look after yourself i.e. sleeping, eating and getting some exercise?
Who do you have to support you?

Remember that you can always post here for support.

GH Admin

thanks

Yes exercising and eating (sleeping well - yeah could do with more!). I have some awesome friends who are non judgemental and very supportive.

I'm a pretty strong person so this will not hold me down or back. Have had some real heart to hearts with partner (and his mother) and hoping he can find it in him to beat his demons. He knows he has our support at all times and we have the belief that he is bigger and stronger than his addictions. I have a feeling he is actually relieved that its all in the open now as his moods have improved dramatically.

Only time will tell and if the lying continues, I will find out and there will not be second chances - he knows that and stands to lose me and a house. Yeah it will hurt of course but I am not getting entangled any more than I have accidentally become.

Getting onto legals this week - lawyers have been on holiday.

Hi lala_tart,

Thanks for posting and catching us up. Sounds like you have been very busy and that the talk you had with your partner and his mother was a relief for you too.

Remember that there is support out there for you as well, i.e. one on one counselling, call us at GH and posting here. Well done for looking after yourself.

GH Admin.

Good to know that your life is improving a bit. All I can say is, your partner's done the first step towards breaking the habit: admitting that he is as such.

(Message edited by GH Admin as links given were links for gambling sites.)